Back from Thailand... but not really home.

I’ve always heard that every mission is different; every missionary is different, is in a different place, has different trials and growing experiences, learns something different, so on and so forth. With all the warnings I received, I guess I shouldn’t be surprised that the mission I served was so… well… different.

But the most different thing about my mission is that it ended after only 3 months.

I used to be one of those people that never fully understood why a missionary would come home early from their mission, and I’ll admit, I was probably judgmental of them. However, now it’s me. I am in the shoes of the returned-early-missionary. And not a single piece of me wants to be home. I want to be in Thailand, where I was called to serve! It only took me a very short time to realize that I love Thailand; I love the culture, I love the people, I love the country, and I loved my calling as a missionary! I will be honest and say that being a missionary is a hard job. It’s not all fun and games, sight-seeing and lounging around. You don’t go on a mission to travel and have fun. You go on a mission to serve the Lord, to work, and to preach the gospel (and have fun while doing it!) It’s a full-time, go-go-go job, and it is absolutely amazing. The more you work, the better you feel! Usually. Unfortunately for me, the harder I worked, the worse I got… So now I’m here. And my heart is still in Thailand. I wish I could adequately explain how much it hurts to be here.

When a missionary comes home, it’s such a joyous event! Friends and family come and visit, congratulations are given, parties thrown, proud parents begging to hear more stories of the mission, all kinds of typical celebratory measures. But of course, that’s to be expected!

When your missionary serves the full 18-24 months that they were assigned to serve. 
 
When a missionary comes home early, the reactions tend to be a little different, and I wish it wasn’t that way. Fortunately for me, I still have proud parents; but sometimes that isn’t always the case. No one can ever understand what it’s like to come home 3 months into the mission. No one can ever understand the pain, the heart ache, and the longing that comes along with returning early. And because no one understands, no one knows how to react. Did they do something wrong? Are they just giving up? Could they just not handle the hard work? Are they not worthy? Questions flood the minds of everyone that sees a missionary back before they’re expected. Sometimes the questions exit the mind and are voiced to the missionary… that shouldn’t happen. The missionary is having a hard enough time as it is. I’m just now learning this myself, and never again will I judge or question a missionary who has returned early; I don’t know their struggle. But I certainly know my own.

So here’s some advice to anyone dealing with a missionary who has returned early beyond their control- whether you’re the missionary, the family, or a friend. Let’s just clear up the awkwardness, throw out the self-blame, take courage, and keep moving forward.

1. The Mission Call: “You will be expected to maintain the highest standards of conduct and appearance by keeping the commandments, living the mission rules, and following the counsel of your Mission President. As you devote your time and attention to serving the Lord, leaving behind all other personal affairs, the Lord will bless you…”
* You served
* You dedicated yourself to the mission
* You were a worthy missionary
* The Lord will bless you
The Mission call states that as you dedicate yourself to service, become a diligent missionary, and forget about yourself and the things at home, the Lord will bless you. That’s a promise, straight from God. Do you think God will break His promise if you did your best? As a missionary, I tried to do my best every single day. Sometimes that wasn’t much. But it was all I had. God knew that. He knew it was my best, and He knew that I was holding up my end of the bargain by living the mission rules, keeping the commandments, following my mission president, and devoting my time to the Lord. There is no reason to feel guilty for coming home early if it’s out of your control and you did your best while you served.

2. Missions are Forever: “All that getting released means is that you are taking the tag off your shirt and writing it on your heart, and that will never go away if you do everything you can to serve him” –Morgan Hunsaker. (I didn’t ask for permission to quote him, so I hope he doesn’t hate me for it.)
* The tag comes off the shirt; but it’s imprinted on your heart
* Missionary callings don’t go away; you’re just released from being full-time
* YOU CAN STILL SERVE
It’s not the same, I know, but missions are forever! Whether it was a 3 month service, or a full 24 month service, the mission doesn’t end when you come home. As Elder M. Russell Ballard said, “RM doesn’t mean retired Mormon!” Keep on being a missionary! Study the scriptures, pray, share the gospel, continually build your testimony, and SERVE God forever.

3. You have potential: “But as it is written, Eye hath not seen, nor ear heard, neither have entered into the heart of man, the things which God hath prepared for them that love him.” 1 Corinthians 2:9
* God has so much in store for us that we know nothing about
* HE HAS A PLAN
* He knows our potential
It sometimes seems like everything was pointless; nothing was gained, nothing changed, why did I even leave if I was just going to come back? There are so many questions. This is one thing that needs to always be remembered: GOD HAS A PLAN. We do not know God’s plan. We don’t even know our own potential. But God DOES! Everything has a purpose, and everything will build us up into the people we are meant to be, if we are following God and doing His will. We just need to trust Him! Sometimes it seems like there was no point in leaving for 3 months, because God knew I wouldn’t be on a mission for the full 18 months. So why did I go? I may never know the full effects of my mission. I may never know why I was called to Thailand. However, I know there was a reason for it. Now I know there is a reason for me to be home! God didn’t call me on a mission (or back home), just to break me down and leave me at my lowest point. He is going to build me up and help me reach my full potential, if I continually rely on Him.


Coming home from a mission early is probably the hardest thing in the entire world. It takes more courage than you would think. If I had my choice, I would still be in Thailand, serving with everything that I have. However, I am home because that is the path that is meant for me. I trust my Heavenly Father, I know that He has so much in store for me, and if coming home early is how I’m going to become who He wants me to become, then fine. I’ll do everything I can while I am home to continue to serve Him. I will love and live His gospel with all my heart and soul. I will serve His children with all my might. I will do His will, every day of my life. I am devastated to not be in Thailand right now; but God’s children everywhere need to be served- and apparently I am meant to be serving from home right now.